5 signs You’re Outgrowing a Friendship and What You Can Do About It

So you’ve found yourself in a new era. Congratulations.

Personal evolution is a feat that everyone strives for, yet very few people consistently achieve.

And it’s understandable; there’s something so gratifying about being able to identify positive changes in yourself. However, the very essence of personal growth can lead to shifts in priorities, values, and even interests.

So what happens when that evolution inevitably conflicts with our friendships and relationships? 

What signs are there that you’ve outgrown a friendship? And what should you do when you realize that you have?

Here are 5 signs that you’ve outgrown a friendship…

You’re not affected by their absences (you don’t miss them)

When you have a healthy and mutually beneficial friendship with someone, you’re supposed to miss them.

Now, I don’t mean you should strive for a codependent dynamic, where you don’t know who you are outside of this friendship- or the thought of being away from them feels like you’re grieving. But at the very least you should have an emotional attachment to that person.

If that’s not there then you likely have the first indicator that you’ve outgrown this person and, consequently, this friendship…

The past is the only common ground

We can all agree that when you have nothing in common except shared past experiences, then the relationship is standing on very shaky ground. 

Friendships are built and sustained by mutual interests and experiences. And when that isn’t there; we find ourselves in situations with awkward pauses and shallow conversations- And that’s never good for any emotional connection.

If your only anchor to that person is the past, then you definitely need to re-evaluate your relationship. 

The little things annoy you

Have you ever been in a situation where the smallest, most inconsequential action someone takes annoys the hell out of you? For no particular reason? That’s your cue that something’s wrong.

Occasionally getting irritated by someone’s traits and routines is normal. But feeling annoyed by them in every single interaction you have is an entirely different ballgame, and could be a sign that you’ve allowed some negative feelings to go unaddressed.

You avoid them because of an unhealthy dynamic

Becoming more conscious of toxic behaviors and red flags is a side effect of personal growth. And when we begin to notice them in our friendships we either choose to fix them via healthy, honest conversations, or to get as far away as possible.

Choosing to avoid this person instead of having those hard conversations to rectify it, suggests that we know (in some capacity) that this person is either not mature enough to handle it or that the friendship cannot truly be sustained.

You feel the friendship is hindering your personal growth

Feeling like a friendship is hindering your personal growth is a huge sign that you may be outgrowing that relationship. An ideal, healthy friendship is one that is supportive and encourages individual development and well-being. However, when you sense that this friend (deliberately or otherwise) is acting as a roadblock to your personal growth, then this is a signal of the misaligned values and dynamics that often result from personal growth.

So now that you can identify the signs, what do you do?

Reflect on your feelings

Taking the time to organize your thoughts and feelings is an excellent way to manage the overwhelm we feel from big dilemmas.

Put a pen to paper and let your thoughts guide you. It doesn’t have to be structured or follow any chronological order, just as long as you write about what you’re feeling. Write about the changes you can identify and how they’ve impacted your relationship. This process should, ultimately, be 100% about you and your thoughts.

Also, if you’re someone who prefers a more structured approach, journaling prompts are a great place to start.

Communicate openly

If this friendship is important to you then throwing it away without trying to make it better should not be your first step. 

Talk to this person about what you’re feeling and how you think you should move forward. Who knows? Maybe they feel the same way.

When you commit yourselves to relearn each other as new people, then the gap caused by your personal changes could possibly be mended before it takes too much of a toll. And, at the end of the day, if things don’t work out you can at least take solace in the fact that you tried…

Decide where it ends

If you‘ve tried communicating and still think the friendship is a lost cause then the best thing to do is just let go. Not everything is meant to last forever; sooner or later, you’ll get tired of forcing the square peg into the round hole.

There are many reasons why friendships need to end and, I don’t know about you, but I’d prefer it was due to personal growth than any other reason.

Let them down slowly

Slowly distance yourself from the relationship so it doesn’t come as a big shock when this friendship begins to fade away. If you’re at a point when you even consider this, then you’ve at least laid the groundwork for the inevitable breakup.

Granted, this does look different for everyone so maybe you can start by calling and responding less. The point is to not be cruel about it and to make it seem more like a natural progression of your friendship than a deliberate action on your part.

At the end of the day, navigating personal growth and friendships is not easy, and letting go doesn’t mean your friendship was meaningless or that you’re getting rid of your memories. Everything comes to an end and whether we like to admit it or not, some friendships are just never meant to last. But that is very much okay!