Life can really suck sometimes. Whether you’re going through it at work or having trouble in your intimate relationships, there’s always some hardship to...
We’ve all heard the saying ‘You are the company you keep’ and trust me this is not just a catchy phrase! I personally believe healthy friendships are about mutual emotional support and trust, period. And often when we’re in a situation where that’s not the case, our first instinct is to try deciphering where it all changed, but that’s putting the cart before the horse…
Choosing friends is like picking ingredients for a new recipe. The right blend can make it a masterpiece, while the wrong mix may leave you with the culinary equivalent of a dumpster fire. And those are not pretty!
‘Red flags’ is a term we often hear when it comes to choosing romantic partners, but they’re equally important when choosing friends. Spotting and avoiding red flags in friendship is guaranteed to improve emotional stability and lead to a healthier and more fulfilling life.
So what if instead of ‘Where did it go wrong?’ you asked ‘What signs did I miss?’ Well, I’m gonna tell you what you should have looked out for in the past and what to look for in the future…
Here are 7 red flags you should side-eye when making friends
If a prospective friend possesses any of these traits, while I’m not saying you should run for the hills, this is someone you might wanna keep at arm’s length.
🚩 Narcissism: Me-Me-Me🚩
I know this word gets thrown around quite often in modern culture but it’s for a reason. Anyone who only thinks of themselves or expects the world to conform around them is not your friend! But the thing is, most narcissists aren’t so overt with their ‘me-ness,’ (and it’s important that you distinguish between selfishness and self-preservation). Sometimes the narcissist is the best friend Heather who has a complete meltdown when you’re in the shower and can’t answer your phone. Or the neighbour who parks her car in your driveway because she ‘Doesn’t see why it’s a big deal’ (Like girl be for real). The point is that a narcissist isn’t someone you want in your life. At all.
🚩External Attribution: It’s not my fault…🚩
You know that person who does some horrible stuff and just blames it on the way they grew up or their zodiac sign? Stay away. Like I’m a Scorpio and I can use that as my excuse to be the biggest fils de pute but I don’t! Some things are just not okay.
Don’t get me wrong, everyone’s trauma is completely valid and it unquestionably influences our worldview and behavior and that’s something you should always empathise with. But at the same time, the line between imperfection and douchebaggery is still there, however thin…
🚩Envy and Passive aggression: That’s nothing compared to…🚩
Resentment is the worst thing you want to develop in a relationship and with someone like this, it’s almost guaranteed to happen. Now it’s completely normal to be intimidated when someone is more successful or has achieved something you’ve yet to, we’re human.
But that’s not what I mean.
I’m talking about the ‘I want what you have because I don’t think you deserve it’ mentality. If you notice someone is always trying to one-up others, they probably have a little green-eyed monster lurking somewhere. Save yourself the trouble.
🚩The victim mentality: How could you…🚩
Perpetual victimhood is never a good trait in anyone. I’m probably the most zealous believer in empathy for everyone and every situation…However. To have someone in your life who needs to always be the victim will only ever have one outcome: They’re gonna drain you emotionally.
People like this are exhausting! They always find injustice after injustice to complain and wine about and at some point you’ll just want it to end. Trust me, they’re not people you want in your life in the long term.
🚩Negativity: But what if…🚩
Listen, Emotional Osmosis is a thing! Have you ever been in a room where one person is just in a horrible mood and it affects everybody? Well, imagine that being the case all the time…
Negativity is something we are vulnerable to in every aspect of our lives. If someone around you is always negative it’s going to impact your mental health and your overall wellbeing. Pessimists are everywhere and while they may be the least off-putting in this list, you should keep them at arm’s length.
🚩Misogyny- But I’m not like other girls…🚩
This one is non-negotiable! You know Kelsea down the street who thinks it’s try-hardy to put anything but water on your face… Get her away from you! That’s called internalized misogyny (aka the pick-me mentality) and I promise these girls make the worst friends.
And it’s even worse with the Dereks of the world! You know the ones that make those little jokes that you know aren’t really jokes. These people are an absolute no!
🚩Manipulation and controlling behaviour- You’re overreacting…🚩
Hands up if you’ve ever been gaslit by anyone. For the few whose hands aren’t up, hands up if someone’s ever tried to invalidate your feelings about a situation at any point in time. So, everyone’s experienced someone like this.
Manipulative people are the hardest to single out mostly because they’re so skilled at disguising their actions. I mean, one minute you could meet someone that is so nice and you’ll have so much in common with them, and the next thing you know there’s a Tedros (The idol) in your life and you have no clue how it happened.
Learning how to spot and avoid a manipulator is one of the best things you can do for yourself.
Remember, folks, it’s not about being judgemental, but about creating a positive and nurturing environment for yourself. Healthy friendships should be like cozy blankets– comforting, supportive, and adding warmth to your life. So when you’re out there making new friends, keep these red flags in mind. It’s like having a friendship radar helping you navigate toward connections that make your heart happy.
