20 questions to ask yourself to figure out your love language 

This post features questions to ask yourself to find out your love language.

I’ve often heard that the best way to show love to one’s self is through our own love language. 

It’s not a revolutionary idea by any means, and its something many of us don’t pay much attention to it.

But the second you start your journey to self-love and self-acceptance, you’ll find that this is one hundred percent true.

Think about it. What better way to reinforce how much you mean to yourself than by the method you’re most receptive to?

The unfortunate thing is many of us don’t even know what our love language is.

Maybe you have a vague idea but aren’t sure. Or maybe you have no clue what your love language is at all.

But its important that you get clarity, and that’s where I can help you.

Learning your love language is easier than you think. 

The first thing you should do is get to know yourself inside and out. And you can do that by asking yourself some tailored questions. 

So in the spirit of learning yourself better…

Here are 20 questions to ask when figuring out your love language…

1. What makes me feel really appreciated?
   Is it when someone says something nice or thanks you for what you did? That could be Words of Affirmation.
2. When do I feel the most loved?
   Is it when someone spends time with you, or when they do something helpful? That could mean Quality Time or Acts of Service matter to you.
3. Do hugs and physical touch make me feel closer to people?
   If physical affection makes you feel warm and fuzzy, Physical Touch might be your thing.
4. How do I usually show love to others?
   Sometimes the way you express love is the way you like to receive it, too.
5. When I’m having a rough day, what makes me feel better?
   Do you need comforting words, a hug, or just someone to hang out with?
6. What gifts have meant the most to me?
   If a thoughtful gift really touched you, Receiving Gifts might be your love language.
7. What actions from others make me feel most valued?
   Think about moments when you felt genuinely loved—was it because of what someone did or said?
8. How do I feel when someone cancels plans?
   If it really bothers you, you might value Quality Time the most.
9. Do compliments or encouraging words lift me up?
   If yes, then Words of Affirmation could be your primary love language.
10. Would I rather get help with something or receive a gift?
    If you’d prefer help, then Acts of Service might be more meaningful to you.
11. When do I feel closest to my partner or loved ones?
    Is it during deep conversations, when you’re physically close, or when they do something nice for you?
12. Do I feel more connected after a good conversation or doing something fun together?
    This could help you figure out if Quality Time or Words of Affirmation matters more to you.
13. What kind of apology feels the most real to me?
    Is it a heartfelt “I’m sorry” or when someone makes an effort to show they care?
14. Do I feel more loved when people show up for me or when they say how much they care?
    This can help you figure out if you prefer Acts of Service or Words of Affirmation.
15. How do I like to celebrate special occasions?
    Are you more about the experience, the gifts, or just spending time together?
16. What makes me feel taken for granted?
    If it’s when people don’t say thank you, then Words of Affirmation might be a big deal for you.
17. Do I prefer physical affection or verbal “I love you’s”?
    This helps you figure out if Physical Touch or Words of Affirmation matters more.
18. How do I feel about surprise gifts?
    Your reaction could reveal if Receiving Gifts is one of your love languages.
19. What are my most cherished memories of feeling loved?
    Looking back on those moments can reveal patterns about your love language.
20. How do I like to spend time with the people I care about?
    Whether it’s deep talks, doing fun stuff together, or just hanging out, it points to your preferred way of connecting.

So, What’s Your Love Language?

Once you go through these questions, you’ll probably notice some patterns. Whether it’s Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, or Physical Touch, knowing your love language helps you understand what you need to feel loved and how to show love to others.

If you’re curious to dive deeper, you can always take an online quiz or just start paying attention to how you feel in different situations. It’s all about figuring out what makes your heart feel full.