Life can really suck sometimes. Whether you’re going through it at work or having trouble in your intimate relationships, there’s always some hardship to...
Friendships are bonds that are based on mutual support and benefit. You tell each other everything, you love and respect each other and you support each other through thick and thin. But what happens when that ‘thick’ is you finding out your friend’s partner is cheating? What do you do?
It’s a situation no one wants to be in, but it’s essential to approach it with empathy, sensitivity and care. It’s instinctual to want to tell them immediately, but really it’s never that simple…
There are many things you’d want to consider before you even think about having this conversation with a loved one, namely, whether or not this person would want to know (some prefer not to), what their reaction would possibly be and most importantly, how do you tell them.
It’s always a difficult conversation to have but given my own experience with this situation (and after consulting people in my environment) I think I’ve found the best way to for you to navigate this delicate conversation with grace and support.
How to tell a loved one their partner is cheating?
Be sure you’re not crying wolf…
Before approaching your friend, make sure you have concrete evidence of infidelity. Speculation or hearsay can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. You don’t want to cause unnecessary distress if your suspicions turn out to be unfounded! I’ve been in a situation where a friend of mine accused my (now) ex of being unfaithful. When it turned out that it wasn’t true (at the time) I remember feeling so angry because all of that for what? That’s likely how your friend will feel if it turns out to not be true.
Ask yourself what makes it cheating. Were they too intimate? Did their physical interactions seem couple-y? Be one hundred percent certain and make sure you can prove it before you say anything, the emotional turmoil isn’t worth it otherwise.
Choose the right time and place: Pick your battles.
Timing is crucial when discussing such a sensitive topic. Find a time when your friend can be free from other distractions and more receptive to what you’re trying to say. It’s also essential to choose a private comfortable location, ensuring your friend feels safe to express their emotions.
Be empathetic and supportive: Think, how would I want this to play out?
Approach the conversation with empathy and sensitivity. Start by expressing your concern for your friend’s well-being rather than immediately jumping into the details of the cheating. Start with something like, ‘Hey, you know I care about you deeply, and I’m here to support you no matter what.’ This is essentially your way of reassuring them that you’re doing this out of their best interest rather than maliciously (I’m not insinuating that they would think so but when emotions are wayward the mind conjures anything).
Use ‘I’ statements
When discussing infidelity, try using ‘I’ statements to avoid sounding accusatory or judgmental. Instead of saying ‘David’s cheating on you’ it’s better to say ‘I noticed something I think you should be aware of.’ This way it seems you’re gently nudging them towards the truth rather than forcing it down their throats.
Be prepared for their reaction
Your friend may react with shock, denial, anger or sadness. Understand that they might not be ready to accept the truth right away. Be patient and allow them to express their emotions without judgement. The best thing you can do is offer a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on.
Respect their decision
When it’s all said and done it is their life and their relationship. Let the extent of your advice and guidance be about healing and moving forward. Never (ever) push them into making quick choices or judgements. Respect their autonomy, yes even when you’d prefer to commit homicide, and never pressure them or make them feel bad about making a particular decision.
Confidentiality is king
Ensure that you maintain strict confidentiality regarding the information you share. Trust is essential in any friendship, and betraying your friend’s trust by spreading the news can only cause further harm.
Be there for the long haul
Dealing with infidelity is a long and challenging process. Continue to support your friend throughout their journey of healing, whether it involves repairing the relationship or moving on from it. Be a consistent source of comfort and understanding!
Telling a friend about a cheating partner is never easy, but it’s a crucial step in helping them navigate a difficult situation. Approach the conversation with empathy, sensitivity and support, and be prepared to stand by your friend as they make decisions about their future. Remember that your role is that of a caring and supportive friend, and your love and understanding can make a world of difference during this challenging time.
